Confessions of a Liberal
OK conservatives, I'm spilling my guts. I'm comin' clean. You knew it all along and now I'm givin' it to you straight.
I am a liberal, so I want what's best for liberals. I'd like to see Bin Laden pull off another attack in the USA and I'd love to see Iraq dissolve into civil war because I hate President Bush THAT much. In fact, whenever anything goes bad for this country, I celebrate. I'm pro-terrorism, anti-freedom. I want higher taxes and I want our military to be weak. I think anybody who doesn't want to work should get a free ride from the government. I'm totally paranoid about the environment, and if a multi-billion dollar business has to go down to save a dung beetle, so be it. I make up stuff about global warming just to incite fear and panic.
I think partial-birth abortions are a perfectly legitimate form of birth control. I sprinkle fertilized embryos on my cereal every morning and I've burned at least 17 US flags in the past year. I would like to see anyone who makes more money than me put in jail and have their wealth re-distributed to undocumented immigrants. I want to outlaw religion and allow pedophiles to marry children. Several children. Their own children. I want BIG government. BIG BIG BIG, with HUGE bureaucratic agencies that can squash profitable business interests with a single accounting audit.
I believe insulting a prisoner's mother is torture and is in violation of the Geneva Convention.
Whew. I'm feeling a little cleansed. Thinking a little more conservative now. I'm being baptized in an O'Reilly sort of clarity.
Christian values, baby, that's where it's at. Christian values.
Maybe slave labor in the Mariana islands is not such a bad thing after all, especially if we can convert the little monkeys to Christianity. And maybe if I have to choose between saving a small child in a fire or 24 frozen embryos, I'd save the embryos! After all, saving 24 lives is better than saving one, right?
Folks, we can wipe out the use of condoms in Africa in our lifetime.
And why doesn't the NAACP support the repeal of the estate tax? Ha? There are at least SEVEN black people in this country rich enough to benefit from just that one little piece of legislation. Gimme a big hoo ha for the estate tax repeal! Do you realize that there were more people murdered in New York City last year than there were US soldiers killed in Iraq in the same time period? THAT MEANS BAGHDAD IS SAFER THAN THE BIG APPLE, BUCKO.
And if I volunteer to drive a busload of minorities to the polls in November and I get lost, what of it?
What of it?
I am a liberal, so I want what's best for liberals. I'd like to see Bin Laden pull off another attack in the USA and I'd love to see Iraq dissolve into civil war because I hate President Bush THAT much. In fact, whenever anything goes bad for this country, I celebrate. I'm pro-terrorism, anti-freedom. I want higher taxes and I want our military to be weak. I think anybody who doesn't want to work should get a free ride from the government. I'm totally paranoid about the environment, and if a multi-billion dollar business has to go down to save a dung beetle, so be it. I make up stuff about global warming just to incite fear and panic.
I think partial-birth abortions are a perfectly legitimate form of birth control. I sprinkle fertilized embryos on my cereal every morning and I've burned at least 17 US flags in the past year. I would like to see anyone who makes more money than me put in jail and have their wealth re-distributed to undocumented immigrants. I want to outlaw religion and allow pedophiles to marry children. Several children. Their own children. I want BIG government. BIG BIG BIG, with HUGE bureaucratic agencies that can squash profitable business interests with a single accounting audit.
I believe insulting a prisoner's mother is torture and is in violation of the Geneva Convention.
Whew. I'm feeling a little cleansed. Thinking a little more conservative now. I'm being baptized in an O'Reilly sort of clarity.
Christian values, baby, that's where it's at. Christian values.
Maybe slave labor in the Mariana islands is not such a bad thing after all, especially if we can convert the little monkeys to Christianity. And maybe if I have to choose between saving a small child in a fire or 24 frozen embryos, I'd save the embryos! After all, saving 24 lives is better than saving one, right?
Folks, we can wipe out the use of condoms in Africa in our lifetime.
And why doesn't the NAACP support the repeal of the estate tax? Ha? There are at least SEVEN black people in this country rich enough to benefit from just that one little piece of legislation. Gimme a big hoo ha for the estate tax repeal! Do you realize that there were more people murdered in New York City last year than there were US soldiers killed in Iraq in the same time period? THAT MEANS BAGHDAD IS SAFER THAN THE BIG APPLE, BUCKO.
And if I volunteer to drive a busload of minorities to the polls in November and I get lost, what of it?
What of it?
posted by Soundsurfr at 10:29 AM
1 Comments:
Dude, you're so reality-based. So "truthy".
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