Reasons to be Cheerful, Part Three

Hey all. It's September 11th. 2006. Time to make a list of reasons why we should feel safer today than we were five years ago. Here's mine:


1. We got those aluminum tubes away from Sadaam.

Even though you can't use 'em for nukes like Colin Powell said, there's no telling what that rat bastard was doing with them. Probably wacking Kurds over the head.

2. Osama Bin Laden and Al-Zawahiri have not been found. Which means they're lost. Which means we don't have to worry about them any more.



3. Terrorists can no longer bring hair gel, shaving cream or Kool Aid onto airplanes. Since we found out a few weeks ago how dangerous THAT shit can be.



4. There have been zero -count 'em - zero terrorist attacks in the US since 9/11. Had some in London and Madrid, but those were in Europe, I think.




5. Bush is still our president.

Thank you Jesus.


6. We now have secret prisons.

7. All those dangerous loopholes in the Constitution that terrorists use to stay one step ahead of the FBI and the CIA have been eliminated.

'specially those dumb amendments.

But as happy as I am about these wonderful developments, it would be foolhardy to become complacent or entertain a false sense of security until we finally put an end to the Jon Benet Ramsey case.

Once and for all.