Thursday, November 09, 2006

Cool new things that can happen now that the Dems are in the House:

Finally, gay congressmen can marry their pages.

Barbra Streisand can be nominated to the Supreme Court.

Nancy Pelosi can start performing partial birth abortions on the House floor.

Is the budget balanced already?Dang...that was quick!

Social Security is going back in the lockbox.

Scientists announced today that global warming has been reversed.

All Gitmo prisoners will be released and replaced with Halliburton executives and stock holders.

Christopher Reeve will be resurrected through stem cell research.

Everyone in Mexico can now move to Santa Barbara.

Flag burning party. Saturday night. My house.

The Sunnis and Shiites will sing Kum Ba Yah, arm in arm, in the streets of Baghdad

Hillary Clinton will pardon Saddam Hussein.

The ACLU will be made the fourth branch of government.

Ted Haggard will convert to Kaballah and will be appointed as the new House chaplain.

Spanish will be declared the new official language everywhere south of the Dakotas.

Treasury Department will announce a new 3 dollar bill bearing the image of Barney Frank on the front, and a lovely picture of San Francisco on the back.

President Bush will announce a new Cabinet level position. Secretary of House and Senate Surveillance.

Congress will debate a Constitutional Amendment banning the display of the Ten Commandments in churches.

Closed door energy planning meeting to be scheduled at Capital building attended by Hugo Chavez, Daniel Ortega, Ralph Nader, Al Gore and Kim Jong Il.

Gerry Falwell and Pat Roberston will be declared enemy combatants and sent to secret CIA prisons, all their assets seized and given to the ACLU to fund investigations of people saying “god bless you” after someone sneezes in a public school.

Axis of evil will be reconfigured to include Exxon/Mobil, Texas, and Rush Limbaugh.

Homeland security to be outsourced to Pakistan.

Ann Coulter will be forced to betroth Mary Cheney in a same-sex marriage ceremony in Newark, New Jersey, after which her embryos will be extracted, fertilized ex-utero by Al Sharpton and placed into stem cell research facilities.

Finally, finally, finally.


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