A Message From The Infinite

Greetings.

It's Me. The Creator of all things. Allah. Jehova. Whatever you call Me. I don't care.

Which is what I wanted to mention.

Let Me see if I can manage to put this into a perspective that you can wrap your tiny little minds around. Some people claim that I'm not omnipotent because I can't make a rock so heavy that even I couldn't lift it. Well, what's closer to the truth is that I've made a universe so big that I can't get puny little life forms like yourselves to understand how insignificant you really are.

Here's the deal. Remember that goofy poster that came out a few years back where it shows some galaxy and points to a spot that says "You are here"? This one:

It's supposed to give you a sense of how insignificant you are.

Well it's wrong. You are much more insignificant than that. See that galaxy in the poster? That galaxy is insignificant compared to the rest of the universe. If I were to drop what I was doing and go to the point labeled "here" in the poster, I'd still need to magnify things 8 million times just to be able to make out your twirpy little solar system, and your planet would still be the size of a pimple on a gnat's ass. Imagine what YOU would be.

Now don't even try to pretend that you're Me. Every time you do that you get it dead wrong. Pretend, instead, that you're you. And you're standing in the middle of the Sahara desert. And on one of the million billion grains of sand about 600 miles away and about 600 feet underground there is a community of a billion or so completely clueless microscopic organisms. And one of these meager, pathetic, trifling, miserable, inconsequential, infinitesimal creatures draws a cartoon making fun of you.

Imagine how insulted you would be.

Not.

But here comes the really funny part. A bunch of the other pathetic little creatures get all upset because they're concerned that maybe you might have been insulted by this. I guess they feel that when it comes to microscopic, insignificant creatures, you have very little tolerance for humor on their part at your expense. They need to avenge you, so they start burning and killing and calling for the death of all organisms that share the nationality of the one who drew the cartoon.

Hee heee hee hee hee. Those are some swelled-headed ameobas, eh? Ya think? Imagine a bunch of sorry-ass microscopic loony bins killing each other because they think you give a flying wazoo about any one of them? Does it get any funnier than that?

You know what? That's YOU! HAAAAA. What a hoot. Hee heee. Oh, man. I'm dyin' here.

But I digress. What I wanted to explain to you humans is that I don't care. Really. How could I? Please get some perspective, you idiots.

Regards,

The Lord Of The Universe