My sleep in buffoonery bunghole
That was the subject line of an e-mail I received yesterday. The e-mail was from a Mr. Esteban Capps. My e-mail program previews the first two lines of every e-mail, so in preview mode, I could read this:
Being very anxious to leave no stone unturned, I waited until Mr. a sacrifice on our port of some portion of the premium, of course, line. On one side of this line, said Mr. Micawber, representing I had often admired, as I have elsewhere described, his...
Now, if I didn't get about 5 of these every single day I would think - "Gee, that's peculiar." And if I were stupid enough to open the email and read it, I would even more puzzled to find inside a recommendation for a new and "extremely undervalued" stock pick.
And then my next step should be (pick one):
a) Place a high priority call to my stockbroker;
b) Respond to Esteban Capps with a thank you note for his kind generosity in alerting me, of all people, to this incredible opportunity; or
c) Contact my IT department and YELL AS LOUD AS I CAN AT THEM ASKING WHY THIS CRAP STILL MANAGES TO GET THROUGH THEIR FIREWALL WHILE MY WIFE'S E-MAILS ARE ROUTINELY BLOCKED?????
Another e-mail that I received right before that one was from some poor hijacked soul named Eunice Ruiz and it had this for the subject line: EXTRA TIME
Wooweee. Here's what the preview lines said:
Does this sound familiar when you are having sex? ..please don't come yet...please..oh god..no..no..no..yes..yes.. SHIT I came...Not again... If you said YES, keep reading...
OK, so I gotta ask.
Do people really answer this shit? I mean, is it really possible to sell Viagra or boost stock prices this way?
It must be, because I keep getting more and more of these things in my inbox every day. I mean someone has to go through some trouble to make this happen, and they would not do it if there were no payback. So that leads me to my next and final question of the day...
How have we survived this long as a species?
TODAY'S FATWA: Allah loves most those who wallpaper our mailboxes with spam. Surely they will each be given a special virgin to shower naked with in heaven.
posted by Soundsurfr at 11:06 AM
3 Comments:
Our quarantine program at work is pretty good and I don't have to look at the stuff.
I need to find something for home use, though. I get a dozen of these goddam things or more per day. You would think, with this volume, that spam has proven the most effective advertising tool in history. Why not buy drugs and Rolex watches from complete strangers who use pseudonyms?
That's interesting - I hardly get any spam at all at home. I have an internet security program/firewall that scrubs my computer for unwanted cookies about every 5 minutes - maybe that helps, I don't know.
Another question I have is what is to be gained by inserting spyware into someone's computer, causing the computer to crash or slow to a crawl? Is it just for the pure fun of annoying the crap out of people?
LOL! Yes, Dorothy, it must be working on somebody out there. It appears, Dorothy, that we never left Kansas afterall.
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