Why Cheney Is Not President

I've been ruminating over this for some time. Given that Cheney pretty much runs the country while Dubya spends most of his time looking stupid on TV and mangling the English language, why didn't the Republicans run Cheney to begin with?

However, when you look at the qualifications, it becomes clear that Bush is in fact far more qualified than Cheney to be President. Observe:

1. Number of DWI convictions - Cheney: 2. Bush, only one.
2. Number of Military Deferrments: Cheney: 5. Ended up never serving. Bush at least served in the National Guard when he wasn't AWOL.
3. Performance at Yale - Cheney: Dropped out. Bush: squeaked through.
4. Number of people shot - Cheney: 1 Bush: None that we know of.
5. Number of heart attacks - Cheney: 4 Bush: None that we know of.
6. Number of personal conversations with Jesus: Cheney: None that we know of. Bush: Talks to Him every day.
7. Number of parents who were also president - Cheney: None. Bush: 1
8. Number of gay children: Cheney: 1 Bush: None that we know of.


So it's Bush, hands down.