Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I'm So Inspired By These Posters

Aren't you? I mean don't you feel enlightened, energized, focused and motivated every time you walk by one of these drippy propagandist rags? Especially if it's mounted directly behind your boss's desk where it burns itself into your retinas while he is ripping you a new ass hole for losing a sale or missing a meeting.

And they're so much more esthetically pleasing than the old kind, like from the 1940's that looked more like this:

Of course, the message is still the same. Work your ass off and everything will be great. Don't work your ass off, and [insert demon here*] will overpower you and take control.

*Short list of possible demons: Commies, Homosexuals, Islamic Extremists, Democrats, Atheists, Hippies, Illegal Immigrants, Abortionists, People Who Don't Play Golf Or Smoke Cigars

So you have to give these guys some serious credit for coming up with a whole line of new "Demotivator" posters like this one:

Now we're talking inspiration, baby. Wisdom for the ages.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Everybody Say Cheese

You know, the world may really be getting a little too stupid.
It's starting to freak me out.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Today's New Fatwa

The Great Alah Imam of Mars
Brothers and sisters in the religion of peace,
In response to the insidious lies uttered by the infidel Pope Benedict the Incompetent, the great Alah Imam of Mars has issued a fabulous new fatwa. As follows:

If any infidel claims that Muslims are violent, you must avenge this absurd lie by finding an infidel and hacking him to pieces with a dull, rusty knife. Then do the same to his mother and his children.

Peace be upon you.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part Three

Hey all. It's September 11th. 2006. Time to make a list of reasons why we should feel safer today than we were five years ago. Here's mine:

1. We got those aluminum tubes away from Sadaam.

Even though you can't use 'em for nukes like Colin Powell said, there's no telling what that rat bastard was doing with them. Probably wacking Kurds over the head.

2. Osama Bin Laden and Al-Zawahiri have not been found. Which means they're lost. Which means we don't have to worry about them any more.

3. Terrorists can no longer bring hair gel, shaving cream or Kool Aid onto airplanes. Since we found out a few weeks ago how dangerous THAT shit can be.

4. There have been zero -count 'em - zero terrorist attacks in the US since 9/11. Had some in London and Madrid, but those were in Europe, I think.

5. Bush is still our president.

Thank you Jesus.

6. We now have secret prisons.

7. All those dangerous loopholes in the Constitution that terrorists use to stay one step ahead of the FBI and the CIA have been eliminated.

'specially those dumb amendments.

But as happy as I am about these wonderful developments, it would be foolhardy to become complacent or entertain a false sense of security until we finally put an end to the Jon Benet Ramsey case.

Once and for all.